


[ the dreamstride ]

by nearlyheadlessnick



Category: Elder Scrolls, Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre: F/F, Lesbian Dragonborn, M/M, if the guy who made luicen ever sees this i'll die of embarrassment, in which i write a very self indulgent fic where im dating lucien, is the title of this fic foreshadowing?, joseph russell i'm in love w lucien what else can i say?, mayhaps. i def wanna do something with vaermina
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-07
Updated: 2019-04-15
Packaged: 2020-01-06 01:50:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18378488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nearlyheadlessnick/pseuds/nearlyheadlessnick
Summary: Icerha could be the Dragonborn. She could be the Chosen One. She could be falling in love with Sofia. She could be a lot of things, but most of all, she's completely and utterly helpless to her fate.This is my RP fic for my Skyrim OC, and self indulgent self insert. Enjoy!





	1. [ 29th of last seed ]

[ the sky has broken into a million shades of pinks, purples and blues. the sun is setting over the mountains and there’s a warm breeze blowing through icerha’s hair, sending a shiver down her back despite the warm weather. she and the three others have made camp near the base of the mountain. tomorrow, they leave for solitude. it’s been icerha’s dream to see the city she’s heard so much about since she got to skyrim. she’s heard of it’s beauty. and maybe she’s running from her problems in the process, too, but there’s no shame in that. she waits until she hears soft snores from her friends before she digs through her sack to pull a tattered journal from it, along with a piece of charcoal. she writes by campfire and the last bit of light in the sky. ]

* * *

_**29th of Last Seed**_.

_We left Whiterun today. I’m still processing everything and I couldn’t get out any faster. They call me Dragonborn, tell me that the Greybeards have called to me. I say it’s glorified thunderclaps. If the Dragonborn were anything less than a myth, isn’t it logical to assume they’d be a nord? Isn’t it logical to assume they’d at least be from Skyrim?_

_In any case, I need time to think. I need to clear my head. There are too many choices to make and not nearly enough time. Faendal thinks I should head to High Hrothgar. He says if I’m not the Dragonborn, there’s no harm done. I hear what he’s not saying—if I don’t think I’m the Dragonborn, why am I so scared to climb the seven thousand steps? I’ve been doing a good job at ignoring him._

_Lucien seems to be supportive of whatever decision I make. I appreciate that. He’s been learning well; watching me closely and following my cues in battle. I’ve grown fond of him. He’s become dear to me very quickly. He and Faendal seem to get along well, too, which is great. Can’t have a group bickering behind my back while I’m trying to clear out a tomb._

_And then there’s Sofia, of course. I found her naked in the Whiterun stables as I was leaving the city. She’s… definitely unique. She’s beautiful, for one. It’s very hard to not be distracted by her. She’s got a great sense of humor, and she seems very uninterested in the politics of this land. She does what she wants and I can’t say I’m not fond. I’ve caught Faendal staring at her a few times. It seems I’m not the only one who’s fond. We may have to make a stop in Riverwood eventually and remind him of Camilla. Just as a precaution.  
_

_I thought it would be hard to travel with others. I do so well on my own. But Faendal is my best friend, and I couldn’t leave him in Riverwood. It would be on my conscience forever if the dragon attacked after I left. On the bad nights, I have nightmares where I didn’t take him with me._  
Lucien gave me puppy dog eyes and I had no choice but to bring him with me. I was hesitant at first, I’ll admit. If anyone were to hold me back, it would be him. But I needed the coin and he ended up proving himself to me. And Sofia… well, she’s Sofia. How could I say no?

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please let me know if you like this! leave feedback! what did you like/not like? thank you!
> 
> mods relevant to the series — updated when necessary:  
> lucien flavius — fully voiced follower  
> sofia — funny fully voiced follower


	2. [ 4th of hearthfire ]

[ icerha is intrigued by the skyforge. she’s been trying to forge her own weapons and armor, and the armor for her friends, and so this beautiful forge has her a bit starstruck. she’s got aela’s shield on her arm, and she should be making her way back to jorrvaskr to deliver it, and she will, in due time. as she turned to make her way back down the stairs, she collides with a courier. he stutters, apologizes; no doubt he’s heard the rumors of her thu’um. he doesn’t make eye contact as he hands her a small, wax sealed envelope. as soon as she opens the letter, she knows there’s been a mistake. this letter is for lucien, not her. she skims the page, curiosity getting the best of her, before handing it over to lucien. she’s already made her decision, and before he can open his mouth to ask, she obliges his request. of course she’ll take him to solstheim. before she sets off to find aela, she sits at the edge of the platform, on a rock, letting her legs dangle towards jorrvaskr. she pulls the familiar charcoal from her bag. she feels the undeniable urge to document the events, right then. ]

* * *

_**4th of Hearthfire** _

_I spent the past week at the Bard’s college. It intrigued me, and of course it was as amazing as Lucien said it was. Filled with the most interesting people, the most beautiful voices, the most unbelievable stories, the best poems. Solitude feels safe. I didn’t want to return to Whiterun, but there were people I’d offered my arm to and I’m nothing if not reliable. So we took a carriage back to the city I’d run from, and after running a few errands for people who desperately needed my help—along with gathering a few more to do's on my list—I decided it was time to visit the famous Jorrvaskr._

_It took some convincing, but I weaseled my way into the Companions. I needed something to do, something interesting. And I want nothing more than to help the people of Skyrim.Vilkas isn’t the nicest man I’ve ever met, but he deemed my sword arm worthy of the Companions, and that’s what matters. I have a feeling Sofia would rather be doing anything but running errands for the Companions, but I’ll do whatever it takes, so long as Vilkas stops calling me a whelp soon._

_Of course, the Companions will have to wait. Lucien’s asked something of me, and I’ve got no reason to decline. We’ll deliver Aela’s shield and head out at once. Solstheim is calling us. I’ve been to Raven Rock once, as a young elf, but I barely remember it. It’ll be odd to be back in my homeland, but I’m sure I’ll be deemed an outsider there, as well. We’ll see. Still too close to Skyrim to be home.  
_

_If nothing else, it’s an excuse to avoid the Greybeards for a few more weeks. The dragon situation seems to be getting worse, I’m well aware. I just don’t see how me making a pilgrimage to see a group of old men will help. Besides, Lucien needs me. That’s far more important than the nords and their prophecies._

_We’ll leave for Solstheim first thing tomorrow morning. I’d like to make sure Lucien’s prepared before we go. His curiosity and enthusiasm are endearing, but they’ll get him killed one of these days. It’s my job to make sure that doesn’t happen. I have a few spells I'd like to teach him and practice with that sword a few more times. In any case, I'll be out of Skyrim soon. I can't say I'm not looking forward to it. Who knows what I'll find on that side of Morrowind.  
_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave comments!
> 
> mods relevant to the series — updated when necessary:  
> lucien flavius — fully voiced follower  
> sofia — funny fully voiced follower


	3. [ 20th of hearthfire ]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> backstory, backstory, backstory!

[ solstheim has an energy around it, like shadows creeping through sunlight. the ash mixed with seawater smells like the perfect mix of home for icerha, but the feeling doesn’t match. she is covered in bruises, tired, and too far from home for her liking. she has reached her goal and won her battle, but she still feels as though she has lost. this isn’t how she wanted to feel. she sneaked away from her friends–everyone but lucien–and up on deck. the captain gave her a smile, and the crew ignored her as she sat, leaned against a pole. a lantern waved with the rocking of the boat above her, and she wrote by lantern light on the boat ride back to skyrim. she needed to get the feelings out somehow. ]

* * *

**_20th of Hearthfire_ **

_It’s been hard ever since we got to the Raven Rock dock. We were not greeted warmly, but that was to be expected. We immediately left for Dumzbthar but we didn’t get far before we ran into a madman near the coast. His words made no sense, of course, but were still… chilling. He told me he had secret crawling around in his head, that his fingers were too short to reach in and get them out. I don’t know what he was going on about–something about a Black book, something about Benkongerike. He marked my map, yet told me not to go. Before I could answer him, he lunged for me. My blade found his stomach before he ever got close enough to get his hands on me. It’s left a knot in my stomach since. I didn’t go to Benkongerike before we left the island. I wanted to leave then and there; this place didn’t feel like home. The ash was misleading. But I stuck with Lucien, made my way to Dumzbthar._

_From there things only got worse. I could never tell Lucien this, or Sofia, or even Faendal–although I think he may see through my composure a bit–but I’m terrified of those Dwemer ruins. They’re huge, they make so much noise. You never know what’s waiting around the corner, you never know if this hallway or that one is the last one you’ll ever see. The spheres and spiders cannot be touched by magic or enchantments. You have to hope your steel is sharper than theirs. Half of the building is at your feet, and the other half is above you. They are scarier in Morrowind than in Skyrim. (Though, in all fairness, I’ve only ever seen the ruins in drawings. One day, I’m sure. I’m not looking forward to it.)  
_

_I remember being a young elf in Morrowind and stumbling across an old ruin. Of course I couldn’t keep my n ose away from the entrance. I climbed above the run to get to the makeshift elevator… it’s almost as though I can see it before my eyes now, as I write this… I feel the heat of the lava below my feet. I feel the young fear. One second of thinking about it, and suddenly I’ve not seen my twelfth winter.  
_

_Enough about that now. I have much more to write about before this vessel sways me to sleep._

_Lucien is staying in Dumzbthar. I don’t blame him, I can see how it’d be exciting for a scholar. I couldn’t see myself living in a Dwemer ruin, but it’s not like he’s going to stay forever. I’m sure I’ll be on this ship again in a few weeks to pick him back up. I’ll let him get settled, give him some time to make some discoveries. I’m sure we’ll all miss him before the night ends. (I already do, truth be told.) The Imperial has a way of living in your heart… as does the Nord of my group. Before I escaped to write this, I could hear her snoring as she slept. Sometimes she talks in her sleep, too. (or should I say yells? Mostly profanities. It’s quite hilarious.) In Dumzbthar, I went for a sphere and before I knew it, Sofia had jumped in front of me and taken it on herself. It was… odd. I was filled with a warm feeling, even in that terrifying place. She’s done it a few times now. Neither of us bring it up. She’s even pushed me behind her a few times. I don’t know what to make of it, but I’m… flattered, for lack of better word._

_We’re going to make our way back to Whiterun now. I’ll head straight to the Companions and spend some time with them until I hear from Lucien. Maybe find a few other things to do._

_In the meantime, I’m going to try to get some sleep before we get to Skyrim. I need my rest._

* * *

 

icerha dreams of the memory she'd felt like she was reliving before she fell asleep. she is tiny, petite. her arms have only a child's muscle, her features softer. she is both living in this body and watching it. she finds herself at the edge of a ruin. she can just barely see the entrance if she stands on her toes. she doesn't consider the dangers; she just begins climbing. she figures the worst she could find is a wild guar. she's very aware of the stick she's tied to her trousers. she stole her father's dagger to sharpen the piece of wood. she could handle a guar, she was sure of it. after climbing to what felt like the top of the world, she stood on top of a large rock. she turned around to look at the road she'd come from. she could just barely see her town from here; the tops of the buildings were just in her sight. she turned back to open the door; she found the lever to pull and the door slowly opened. she felt butterflies in her stomach, and pushed past them. she walked through the door and the familiar smell of ash left as she did. she was suddenly very aware of her feet. she'd not bothered to put on real shoes; footwraps had always served her well for playing outside, but she regretted that now. her feet were quickly getting warmer. she gritted her teeth and tried to ignore it as she made her way further in. the floor was made of dwemer metal and underneath, the lava from the red mountain flowed, bright red and running hot. it was becoming unbearable very quickly. the sounds from the things living in this ruin made a chill run down her spine. she only got a few feet inside before she turned back, running all the way out of the ruin, climbing down the ruin and then running home. she stuck her feet in the river and pretended they didn't hurt. it was a brief encounter, but it was enough to scar her for life. she'd never gone back, and she'd been afraid of dwarven ruins ever since. it was a fear she'd need to get over eventually. 


	4. [ 1st of frostfall ]

[ icerha's party is one person short, and she's trying not to think about her morals, or her reasoning behind her choices. everything is easier to accept when sofia is making jokes in her ear, so it's easy to shove it from her mind. as long as her friends support her, she can't be that bad, right? she doesn't really have a choice but to believe that she's not, anyway. she has found herself in the ragged flagon, drinking watered down ale from a stained tankard, sofia beside her drinking something that probably tastes equally as bad. for a moment she wonders what's in this ale, shudders, and pulls out her journal. she writes by lantern light. she's got a lot on her mind.]

* * *

 

 

_**1st of Frostfall.** _

_A lot has happened since the last time I wrote. After I left Morrowind, I made my way back to Whiterun. I did a few odd jobs for the Companions and pretty soon, the people there began to feel less like acquaintances and more like friends. Then family. And in some ways, it feels like I made a huge mistake trusting them. Everything was going fine, I was making a name for myself. Farkas made a few comments I didn't appreciate about elves (does he not see that I'm a dark elf?), but he's a nice enough guy. That was, until we went to Dustman's Cairn. That mission has changed my life, and I still don't know what to do, or how to feel._

_I've heard of werewolves and werebears and all sorts of shapeshifters. The undead. Draugr and skeletons and vampires. Half men, half beasts, beasts who used to be men, and everything in between. In bedtime stories, they are never friendly. They steal bad children from their homes, they eat fathers and manipulate mothers into giving over their babies. There are no heroes in these stories. And I know, they're just stories. They're what you tell your children to keep them in line. But isn't there some truth to every fairy tale?_

_I'd made a wrong turn, pulled a wrong lever and I was locked in a room. At first, the only thing on my mind was how long I could survive without food and water. Would Farkas leave me to die? Would he realize he couldn't get the door open and leave me to retrieve the fragment of Wuuthrad? The panic was just setting in as a bigger issue arose; a group of people in unfamiliar silver armor surrounded Farkas. We were outnumbered—_ he _was outnumbered. I couldn't help him. I turned my head to see again if there was a way out of this cage. Sofia looked just as helpless. I was trying to ignore the guilt I felt for letting her get trapped in here as well. I hadn't been listening to the exchange between the group and Farkas, but when I turned back, Farkas was shedding his clothes. I remember thinking it was an odd thing to do before dying. The strangers moved to attack, but they were too late. Farkas took a few seconds and then, before my eyes, he transformed. First man, then beast. I can't even describe it... one minute, he was my friend, he was big, kind hearted, ice brain Farkas. The next, he was some kind of huge fur-covered_ monster _. It took a moment to realize what he was. A minute later, the strangers were dead and he was covered in blood. When he transformed again, his hands were still dripping with it. He redressed, and silently found the release for the door. For once, Sofia had nothing to say. I tried my best to not flinch when he made his way to me._

_I don't remember everything he said. I do remember him explaining that the Circle is full of werewolves. They are all children of the moon. We retrieved the Wuuthrad fragment and made our way back to Whiterun. I felt like I was walking through water. I felt like I was in a daze. Back at Jorrvaskr, the Circle was waiting to accept me as one of their own. Just as I was reconsidering this whole thing. Farkas said some sweet words about me, and although I felt odd, the words left me soft as honey. I'm sure I'll return to my shield brother soon, but I needed time away..._

_So I made my way to Falkreath. Their Jarl had sent me a letter that had gone too long without an answer. I walked there—I needed the time to think. I helped the Jarl with his issue (although, if you ask me, his only issue is a lack of brain, but I digress) and talked with the people of the town. It reminded me a lot of Lucien. I think he would have liked the work I did there. The townspeople were in need of help. For awhile, I was reminded again of why I'd come to Skyrim in the first place. Why I'd snuck across the border and gotten myself into this whole mess. I wanted to help people. I wanted to be a healer. It was a foolish, childish dream, of course. And now everything has changed. But I still want to help people. At my core, I want to help... which is why I'm not exactly sure what I'm doing here in Riften.  
_

_I'm getting ahead of myself. While I was in Falkreath, a courier approached me with a letter from Lucien. I can't describe how relieved I was! I wanted to let him know everything that'd happened, and most of all, I wanted to see my friend. The boat ride back to Solstheim was the longest of my life! The walk to the ruin was even longer! And trying to find Lucien in that blasted place... I kept my cool in front of my friends—although I'm sure Faendal could tell something was wrong—but on the inside, I was panicking. It's so easy to get turned around. Once I found Lucien, I was almost shaking. I was embarrassed by how easy it would've been to find him if I'd just calmed down for a moment._

_I don't really know what happened next. The adventurer in my heart was yearning for me to discover something. So we made our way to Riften via carriage. We sung drunken songs with Bjorlam. Sofia looked beautiful in the moonlight, drunk and vulgar as always. Faendal referred to us as 'lovebirds' a few times and I was sure Sofia was going to chew him up, but instead she just smiled and kissed my cheek._

_Riften gave us a great first impression. A shakedown at the door, thugs just inside. I met Brynjolf my second day in Riften, and I knew he was bad news the moment I set eyes on him. He reeked of bad ideas. And still, I approached him. Somehow, I let him talk me into breaking into an Argonian's lockbox and planting a ring on a Dunmer. I did it successfully, of course. Growing up in a boring village had taught me a few things with a lockpick. It was very clear after I'd done that, that Faendal needed to go back to Riverwood. He supports everything I do, but I couldn't ask him to risk his name for me. I was about to do some very bad things and it was very obvious. Sofia was down for it, and Lucien tagged along to learn. Faendal is sitting at home, waiting for me to make better choices... that might take awhile. There is some sort of pleasure in doing things I know I'll regret.  
_

_Well. That's how I ended up here. I don't know what I'll do next. I guess I'm staying in Riften for awhile. I need the gold, and I won't do anything that will seriously ruin someone's life. Isn't that what matters?_

* * *

icerha put her journal away and rubbed the sleepiness from her eyes. she was tapped on the shoulder a moment later, interrupting her from her thoughts. she instinctively reached for her blade, resting her hand on the handle of her dagger as she turned. before her stood a small dark elf. he was very obviously mixed with bosmer; he was far too short to be full dark elf. he has features of both races; his face was very fun to analyze. icerha realized she was staring, and then realized he had tapped her shoulder and then not elaborated his reason behind it. she cocked her head at him, dropping her hand from her dagger. he was clearly no threat.

"can i help you?" she asked, trying to keep her voice soft. she didn't want to seem so unapproachable, but she wasn't sure she wanted to associate with these people more than she had to.

"i—" the elf started, then gave her a small smile. "i'm hyten. and you're... different." he said blatantly. "you're not like the other people in this... establishment," he added, glancing around.

"and how would you know that?" she asked, squinting at him in the dark. she didn't know where he was going with this, but she didn't get a bad feeling from him. he didn't smell like piss like the rest of the people here seemed to. he was wringing his hands together as if talking to her was the scariest thing he could be doing—yet he'd obviously made his way to the ragged flagon. he was an interesting one right off the bat, that was for sure.

"i just do. you're not a bad person. you've got your head on straight. we're different; it's not just about the money for you, is it? i can see it in your eyes, you're battling yourself. why are you here, icerha?" he asked. it was very presumptuous of him, and she didn't like how everyone seemed to know her name. couldn't she, just once, be an elf in a bar? nameless and average? she supposed not.

"i could ask you the same question," she replied dryly. "you said we're different. if we're both different, shouldn't you know why i'm here?"

the elf smiled. "you don't know why you're here. i don't know why i'm here. i know that i'm good at what i do, and i think i can help you." he said. he turned to grab a chair from another nearby table and pulled it to theirs. he sat down, facing icerha. "and i won't take no for an answer, so you might as well just welcome me to the family."

icerha, full of ale and too tired to argue, stifled a sigh. "i'm not at fault if you get yourself killed, kid." she answered, shaking her head. maybe she was more approachable than she thought. hyten seemed happy, and the party stayed up late into the night talking. lucien especially seemed to enjoy the addition to the group. icerha decided to reconsider her new friend in the morning. there was no use trying to make decisions after drinking ale.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not my best chapter, but Icerha had a lot to say!  
> Also... welcome Hyten, my self insert. I love him (because I have to)


End file.
